I have had many people reach out to us who are both curious about the process of fostering refugees, and also wondering how they can help. I thought I would write up some basics so that you can both be cognizant of some of our expectations in watching over these wonderful and yet vulnerable children, but also so you can just be aware of how it all works. So, in true December fashion when everyone has count-down lists before the new year hits, here are the top seven things I can share at this moment to help you better understand where we are and where we’re going…
And just as a heads up: I’m still a foster newbie. This isn’t any kind of official document, but just a way for our friends and family to better understand what we’re doing, and how they can best interact with the children we have in our home if they happen to meet them. Feel free to ask questions, and we’ll answer if able.
1. FOSTER CARE TYPES: GENERAL vs. LONGTERM REFUGEE vs. TRANSITIONAL REFUGEE:
Domestic Foster Care is for children placed in a temporary home for US-based children, typically in the same county as their foster home, a surrounding county, or in a different area due to family connections or restrictions. On the other hand, refugee children are placed in one of two fostering programs…
Long-Term Foster Care for refugee children is for those without a family member or sponsor to care for them and who will remain in foster care until they age out of the system, usually at 18+ years.
Transitional Foster Care (TFC) is the program we will be doing. It is for refugee children who will stay with a foster family while their immigration case and that of their parent or sponsor is decided. They will either be reunited with their parent/sponsor in the US or reunited and sent back to their home country. TFC is a short-term program, typically 3 weeks to 6 months in stay, while the children wait for their case to be decided. Make note and breathe deeply as you read this: children in the TFC program would otherwise be placed in a detention facility. Our home will be so that they do not have to remain in a detention facility because they came to the US unaccompanied by their parents. That’s some heavy stuff.
2. NO SOCIAL MEDIA OR ONLINE PRESENCE ON BEHALF OF THE CHILDREN. For those of you familiar with domestic foster care, you may see people posting pictures with faces blurred or marked out in some way so as to give privacy for the child. With our program, we can’t even do that. No pictures of them will be posted, and obviously with that we won’t be sharing their names, ages, or basic information in any kind of public capacity. Also, we won’t be texting pictures of them to friends or family – we really want to ensure their full privacy.
3. NOT OUR STORY TO SHARE. Normally I love chatting with my mom tribe about what my kids are up to, how school is going, their struggles, their tantrums, their joys, their successes. But with the refugee children coming into our home, they aren’t our stories to tell. These are stories heavily laden with trauma, sorrow, hunger, and other BIG BIG BIG things that no child should endure. And as fascinating and heart-breaking and resilient as their stories are, they still aren’t ours to share. So if we are hesitant in sharing who our little friend is if you happen to meet them at church or the park or if you come over for dinner, please understand it is to respect their own story and respecting that of their family.
4. LICE WILL BE A CONCERN, BUT WE’RE PROS. We’ve had lice. Feel free to read all about it. And it’s highly possible that the children placed with us will have lice when we first bring them home. But we know how to treat it. We know when to stay home. We know when it’s the all clear. So do not worry: we’ll be hyper vigilant and you won’t meet them if they aren’t in the clear.
5. LANGUAGE. The majority of the children in our program will be coming from El Salvador, Honduras, or Guatemala. They will most likely be exclusively Spanish speaking, or possibly speak one of the indigenous languages from Guatemala. Three out of five members of our immediate family are fluent in Spanish, so if you are unable to speak directly to them, we’ll happily facilitate conversation with you. Don’t be shy. Come on over and say Hola, give a wave, be encouraging. We’ll give you clues if it’s a shy child or if they’re more extroverted, but we’ll work through the language. Physical affection is a very different story, so no need to give hugs or be overly affectionate, but smiles go a long way when meeting someone new.
6. MOMMA BEAR. As I’ve mentioned, these are children coming from pretty traumatic experiences. My momma bear hackles might be a little sensitive. I might have some sturdy boundaries based on their case. Be aware that we’ll be protective – in conversations, in “politics”, in social gatherings – because that’s part of the job.
7. LOVE. Love can take a lot of shapes, and sometimes that’s doing hard things. Thank you to the number of people who have already texted and emailed and messaged me asking if we needed anything when we had our first time helping a foster child. It really showed how important it is to have community when it comes to loving on children. I’m keeping a running list in my brain of people who have offered help. You might get texts from me, you might get a request for a meal here or there, you might get a plea for a quick prayer. We don’t always know what to expect, so we’ll be flying by the seat of our pants sometimes, and that’s okay. Thank you for coming along side us in this big adventure.
I want to repeat one last time: I’m a newbie foster mom. We don’t have a whole lot of experience under our belts, and we’re not going into this like it’s a cake walk. We know it will be hard. We know there will need to be adjustments and flexibility and understanding. We know this is a big challenge for our entire family. BUT we know this is something we are meant to do.
Thank you again for all your support. It means the world to us, and to the children that will be under our roof.
~M