Mental Health Permission Slip

Seeking out mental health support has a lot of shame surrounding it. Somehow we’ve built up a culture that says asking for help says you’re weak, or if you do seek help, then you’d better be quiet about it. Make sure it’s a quick fix; get in, get out, and make certain whatever ailed you will not ail you again.

I was having a hard time this past spring. It was enough of a hard time that I had to break down some of my own most inner walls – the ones that no one gets past – and say, “I think I need to talk to someone”.  It felt like I was defeated, that I wasn’t enough, that I had failed.

But that’s where we have it all wrong.  Asking for help can expand our range for accomplishing big things.  Asking for help means gaining the knowledge of people that know what they’re doing.  Asking for help means that WE DON’T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE.  Therapy is not a dirty word.  Mental Health is a continuum that we hope to push towards the positive side of who we are.  And I will always preach that showing vulnerability is a beautiful salve to the ridiculous expectations we put on ourselves.

Mind you, this is all coming from a person who is fiercely independent, and loathes asking for help.

These words on a tiny blog may not be for the whole world, but I’ve been pulled to write them because it might be for that one singular person that was in a space I was in a few months ago.  Maybe you’re feeling your identity is lost in the midst of everyone else’s needs, or the demands of a job, or the expectations of your family.  Maybe your worth disappears as soon as you don’t make the very high mark you set for yourself.  Maybe you are finding yourself unable to process a really fricken hard situation that you have no words to explain.  Maybe you just lost sight of yourself.

I reached out to two very close, very solid, very trustworthy friends when I had that little voice saying, “Maybe a counselor could help.”  I felt full of shame, I was embarrassed, and felt just by texting, “I think I want to talk to a professional”, that I was an idiot.  Want to know one of the biggest feelings I had when I sought out those two friends?  GUILT.  Because my woes and quandaries and complaints felt insignificant.  And the things I found bubbling to the surface were old hurts and old experiences that should have already been done and in the book by now.

But then I met with the most amazing woman, and I saw that My Stuff wasn’t stupid.  The things I carried in my emotional pockets needed analyzing, and needed support, and needed an outside opinion that wasn’t already part of the narrative.  You see, I have amazing friends, but they are in my story.  And my incredible husband that lifts me up when I’m in pieces and does the laundry and is an incredible father and I am madly in love with?  He’s in my story, too.  Having an outside voice to soak in your story and then help you process it is very rewarding.  And it’s hard.  And it guts you sometimes.  But it is also good.  So full of goodness and healing and what I needed most.

Post Therapy, Hanging In a Park. Yes, I Cried. All Good Stuff.

I won’t go into the full details of my direct story, because so many other people are part of that narrative.  But in a culture that says brokenness should be hidden until you’ve mended it on your own, I wanted to say you have permission to seek the help you need.  You have permission to feel mentally healthy.  You have permission and a right to have your emotional needs met without shame.  I don’t know what that looks like for you in having wounds healed and your heart nurtured, but maybe you do?  Counseling, therapy, medication, journaling, recovery organizations, support groups, making better friends, leaving those that bring you down, building better self care habits: you have permission to seek out what would heal you.

Leave the shame behind, friends.  If introverted, shy, hotmessuvamom Maggie can seek out a therapist that can talk through the good, the hard, and the boundaries, then certainly you can find your person that brings you healing.

~M

P.S.  If my counselor happens to read this, or maybe you are in a position that brings healing to others, I hope you know what a difference you make.  I better understand the energy and compassion and fricken amazing empathy that you uphold and deliver so well.  For all the people that you help them see their worth, and maybe you don’t get the thanks that you have so well earned: Thank You.