You Are the Good Mom

Today I was a good mom.

If you had been at the store mid-morning, you would’ve seen a little blonde duo winding their way through the aisles – mom pushing the cart and a toddler gripping the side merrily.

Then there was the downfall…

Too long at the photo counter.

Little hands grabbing anything with the face of a Paw Patrol character (DAMN YOU RYDER AND YOUR WELL-MARKETED PUPS!)

Little toddler feet running off down aisles out of sight.

So responsible parenting kicked in…

Warnings that a seat in the cart would be expected if toys continued to be pulled from shelves.

Discussing that it wasn’t safe to go running off away from mom.

Imploring little ears to listen.

Big surprise: the toddler ended up in the cart.

Actual big surprise: having fistfuls of hair clutched in little death-grip hands.

Another actual surprise: piercing screaming echoing through the whole store.

Continued awesomeness: sharp toddler talons flailing out at mom’s face.

Physical challenge for the rest of the trip: keeping flailing, hair-pulling, screaming toddler in the cart that he so desperately did not want to be touching.

By the time we made it to checkout, we were quite a sight.  But you know what?? I was still a good mom.  I was keeping my cool.  I was still calmly explaining that consequences meant that the toddler must stay in the cart, asking nicely to PLEASE LET GO OF MY HAIR, PLEASE LET GO OF MY HAIR, PLEASE LET GO OF MY HAIR.  A seemingly well-intentioned man began digging in his pockets for pennies to soothe the shrieking child with the reward of riding the penny horse, to which I replied NO, WE ARE HAVING SEVERE BEHAVIOR ISSUES RIGHT NOW, IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR HIM TO GET THAT.  But I was still a good mom.  I was a good mom saying all the bad words in her head, but I was still a good mom.  And when the sales clerk laughed at me and made jokes about nap time, I was still a good mom.  I was now saying snarky comments in my head, but I was still a good mom.

And when I left the store and tears jumped from my eye sockets and my lip trembled, I was still a good mom, even as the tears slid down my cheeks and I kept the clawing, screaming toddler in the cart as we made our loud way to the car.

And when the mighty toddler refused to sit in his carseat, performing the most death defying acrobatic skills I have ever seen, I was still a good mom.  And when I was sobbing in frustration, while still explaining why we needed seatbelts on, and that mom would really like to go home, and that WE CANNOT GO HOME WITHOUT BEING BUCKLED IN OUR SEATS, I was still a good mom.

And when I was bawling on the phone to my husband, and asking for help for him to convince the mightiest and most stubborn of toddlers why it was a good idea to listen to mom and to sit in his seat, and permit mom to buckle him, I was still a good mom.

I was a good mom when I calmly walked the aisles.

I was a good mom when I not so calmly walked the aisles.

I was a good mom when I started crying at the aggravations and challenges that motherhood presents to me.

I was a good mom when I continued to sob in frustration in the car several minutes after we were both buckled and the car had been started and it was time to go home.

I am a good mom when it’s easy.  I am an especially good mom when it is so hard that you cry and you don’t know what to do and you are faced with challenges and find difficulty facing off with the strongest and mightiest and most stubbornest of children.

This isn’t my first motherhood rodeo.  I’ve survived other tantrums.  I will survive future ones.  But I wanted the world (AND ME) to know that I was a damn good mom today.  I kept my cool through unhelpful comments and over-reaching-strangers-with-pennies.  And then I wasn’t keeping my cool so well, but I was still doing a great job in the situation I had been dealt.  I was a good mom when I was crying and upset by a hard situation.  I was a good mom and I continue to be a good mom.

Know that you are good.  Know that I see you in the hard.  Know you aren’t alone in the challenges motherhood sends your way.

~M

P.S.  And to the dads out there, I see you, too.  Parenting is big, and hard, and awesome, and daunting.  We’ve got this.